The Games People Play
A secure person can be confronted; an insecure person is offended by criticism. A loving friend is willing to risk confrontation; a hypocritical friend criticizes from the safety of anonymity.
A true friend is one who can and will confront me because he truly cares about me and my welfare.
Charles Spurgeon said – about friendship: “True friends put enough trust in you to tell you openly of your faults. Give me a friend the man who will speak honestly of me before my face; who will not tell first one neighbor, and then another, but who will come straight to my house, and say, ‘Sir, I feel there is such-and-such a thing in you, which, as my brother, I must tell you of.’ That man is a true friend; he has proved himself to be so; for we never get any praise for telling people of their faults; we rather hazard their dislike; a man will sometimes thank you for it, but he does not often like you any the better.”
One of the most accurate insights into our true character is how we criticize others and how we accept criticism. Criticism is often the coward’s substitute for confrontation.
Have you ever had a friend or family member who plays both sides against each other? They tell you something that someone else [purportedly] said about you to get a reaction so that they can report your negative response to that person. The cycle is endless. It continues until relationships are broken… until friends or family members no longer speak to each other.
I’ve realized that this was happening in more than one situation in my lifetime. Maybe I’ve even found myself participating in such destructive games. But there are no winners; everyone loses.
The solution is to determine that you will be an encourager. In every situation. If criticism is due someone, GO. TO. THAT. PERSON. … in humility! That’s the key! Not in a holier-than-thou manner! That’s exactly what Paul instructs the Christians in Galatia: “Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of meekness….” – Galatians 6:1
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Notice “…you who are spiritual….” That denotes someone who is motivated by spiritual concerns and love for others rather than a selfish, personal, prideful agenda. So the question is, Are you spiritual enough to lovingly go to the person? Or are you UNspiritual?
“Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.” – Proverbs 27:6
Ask the Lord to give you the courage and heart to be a courageous encourager rather than cowardly critic!
– Ken Stegall