The following humorous story reminds us how husbands are NOT supposed to act! After reading a book called Man of the House during his commute home from work, an enlightened husband stormed into the house to confront his wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he said, “From now on, here’s the way it is. I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law. Tonight you are to prepare me a gourmet meal and a sumptuous dessert. Then, when I’m done eating, you’re going to draw me a bath so I can have a relaxing soak. And when I’m finished with my bath, guess who’s going to dress me and comb my hair?” In a New York second his wife responded, “My guess is the funeral director.”
That guy was reading the wrong book about how to be the man of the house! The apostle Paul describes God’s idea of the “man of the house” in Ephesians chapter 5. He does indeed tell Christian wives to “submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, just as Christ is the head of the church” (vs 23). What Paul did NOT say is that the husband is Lord, or that he is superior to his wife, or supreme over her, or that she is his personal slave! His directives to husbands in the following verses presents a day in, day out, lifetime challenge for any married Christian man who wants to be “the man of the house” in God’s way. The entire passage (Ephesians 5:22-33) reveals a formula that will improve any marriage. But it requires a willingness to work hard, for the passage calls on husbands and wives to base and build marriage upon the attitudes and actions Jesus modeled in His relationship with His own bride, the church.
While the wife is to submit to and be subject to her husband (vs 24), husbands are told to “love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her” (verse 25). Then a succinct summary in verse 33: “Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” These demanding words require us to be thoughtful about what love is. Love that is a “just as Christ also loved” kind of love is immeasurably deeper than fuzzy feelings and ecstatic emotions based on physical passion alone. As Joey Adams wisely warned, “Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you.” In verse 31 the apostle quotes Genesis 2:23 – “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” Marriage is primarily about “we” and not just “me.” Marriages that fail shifted somewhere along the way from a “we” focus to a “me” focus on the part of at least one mate and very often, at least to some degree, on the part of both husband and wife. Are you unhappy in your marriage? It can be improved — if you are willing to do something radical. Instead of following the road most traveled (to a divorce court), why not choose, to use the words of a 1970 song by Stephen Stills, to “Love the One You’re With” and rebuild your marriage on Christ and the kind of love He showed at the cross? That love was submissive and self-giving. Marriages improve when husbands and wives do. There are no “easy buttons” or quick-fix remedies to cure an ailing marriage or re-capture lost marital happiness. But God’s plan for marriage works when husbands and wives work that plan. Wives need to be submissive to and respectful of their husbands. That becomes a lot easier when husbands love their wives with a Jesus-like kind of love! It’s worth thinking about.
Dan Gulley, Smithville TN