First, the Bible: “Do all things without grumbling or disputing.” This word “grumbling” is used in John 7:12; Acts 6:1; Phil. 2:14; 1 Peter 4:9. The English word is found in Exodus 16:7-8; Numbers 14:27, 36; 16:11; 17:5; Luke 5:30; 15:2; 19:7; John 6:41, 43; 1 Cor. 10:10. Wherever you look, God is not pleased with grumbling or murmuring or complaining.
We should not tolerate that behavior in our children either. When a child has a problem or challenge before them, they can either complain about it, or they can look for a solution. We as Christian parents want to discourage complaining and encourage looking for a solution.
First, my suggestion is to not respond to your child if he or she is using a “whiny” voice. Tell them you will talk to them or answer their question or talk about a solution to their problem if they will use a normal, not whiny voice. Second, don’t allow them to focus on their problem. Challenge them to think about and suggest a solution.
When I was a child, I would go to the refrigerator, open it, and say, “Where is the…?” And Mom would always say, “It’s in there.” And then I would say, “But I can’t find it!” And then she would respond, “Stand there long enough and it will jump into your arms!” Mom was a little sarcastic. But she was teaching us children to solve our own problems. She was not the mom to jump up and run to us every time we had a challenge before us. She directed us to use our own God-given brain and energy to solve our own problems.
If parents consistently step in and help their children without training the child to think about and solve their own problems, we are disciplining a child who will become an adult dependent on those around them.
So challenge your children to use their own brains or energy or resourcefulness or initiative to seek for their own solutions. It might be they need Mom or Dad to help them. Or it might be that they actually can solve their own problems without interrupting Mom and Dad. That is the mark of a maturing child. And there doesn’t have to be any whining or complaining.
Paul Holland