Raise them Right – Biblical Wisdom for Modern Parenting:
“Character First”
Deuteronomy 6:6-7
Some of the most famous words from the Bible relative to raising children is found in the Law of Moses, Deut. 6:6-7: “These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.”
Satan’s “kool-aid” that he is enticing everyone to drink – including some Christians – is that God’s highest desire is for us to be happy. No, no, a thousand times NO! God’s highest desire is for us to be faithful. Happiness flows out of faithfulness, not the other way around. That’s putting the cart before the horse.
So parents need to train their children to develop character, the attributes of the “fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22-23 and the “Christian virtues” in 2 Peter 1. First, parents need to make sure we are reflecting Christ’s virtues in our lives. We all know that children will pick up more from what we do in front of them than from what we say to them.
What Deut. 6 is telling us is that we need to take every opportunity we can to talk to our children about the differences between right and wrong and guide them toward doing what is right according to the commandments, directions, and instructions God has given us. We can take those opportunities all the time. When the girls were little, we would watch Dr. Quinn: Medicine Woman starring Jane Seymour. As with most shows, this one teaches situation ethics. But frequently, I would pause the show and talk to the girls about a better way the TV character could have and should have handled the situation rather than doing something that God says was wrong. We did a similar thing in more recent years with West Wing with Ana, who was taking a civics class at the time.
We as parents need to instill the patterns of proper thinking into our children. We are in control of our thinking, according to the word of God (Matt. 5:27-28; 2 Cor. 10:5). Ayn Rand wrote, “I need no warrant for being and no word of sanction upon my being. I am the warrant and the sanction.” That is absolutely false. The Bible teaches that we are either a slave of Christ or a slave of Satan; we do not, ultimately, serve ourselves.
One mistake the modern parent makes, I believe, is having expectations that are too low. The lower our expectations concerning children, the more we tolerate behavior that should not be tolerated, and the more undisciplined our children become. High (but not unrealistic) expectations give our children goals to work toward and a fantastic sense of accomplishment when they reach those goals, or get really close to reaching their goals.
The home is a place where children learn and grow. If kids don’t develop self-control, cooperation, respect, and integrity at home, they’ll have a much more difficult time out in the world. In fact, we can teach our children Christian virtues at home much easier than the world will teach it to them.
If you take a look at Romans 5:3-4, you’ll see where Paul gives us a pattern for parenting. When parents discipline, we cause our children to suffer (whether physically or psychologically, such as in isolation or time out). We also give our children a plan to correct their behavior which develops perseverance. Growth follows, which contributes to their character. As their character matures, they can anticipate a more hopeful future because they are learning what it means to be mature.
We can teach our children Christian virtues at home much easier than the world will teach it to them.
Paul Holland